The girls and I have this new ritual that we developed here at the farm, but we've been missing it the last few weeks because of the cold weather and lingering snow.  There's a large circular drive in front of our house that outside of the hills makes the perfect race track.  As soon as they see me putting on my running shoes they start to get ready and head outside.  I walk to the end of the sidewalk while they negotiate who goes first while the other two climb up onto a large tree stump next to the house.  And then we run.  

It's not an ideal running situation.  There's a fairly steep incline on one end and decline on the other, most of the gravel has been washed away, there's mud and holes that must be avoided.  Almost every single time at least one of them (and sometimes me) comes crashing down tripped up by the loose gravel that meets the blacktop.  We're often greeted by the dogs as well who trip us up and distract with their constant barking.  One by one the girls take turns making the loop with me around that track-pitfalls, distractions, obstacles and all.  The two girls who are waiting cheer and encourage while they wait their turn.    This ritual has taught me a lot about my own heart.  There are days when I just want to get out there and run as fast as I can leaving anyone and everyone behind.  There are days when one of them falls and I don't want to stop and help them back up.  There are days when I cross the finish line and I want to be declared the winner.  I want to use my size, power, authority and control to tell them how to run or even worse to win-win-win.  I've even found myself distracted thinking that if I bought a new pair of shoes, or running clothes, or a subscription to a running magazine that I may be able to be-do-look better while I run.

I've even considered trading in my running partners.  Maybe if I were to run with people who were more like me-older, more capable, more mature.  Or better yet-to find some runners who are even better than me.  Then I might be able to improve my running ability and feel more valuable because good runners want to run with me.  My oh my, what opportunities I would miss if I were to give into those thoughts.  My running partners are enough-in fact, they are prefect.

That's when I remind myself and the girls that there is no winning and losing, good and bad, more and less important.  That's a lie society tells us so that we can use our power and control to hold others down-to consume people and stuff because of our fear.  Fear that if we lose, fall, or get left behind we are somehow less valuable.  The reason we run is to exercise our body, mind and soul in order to be more capable of caring for one another.  When we run alongside one another it's an opportunity to be encouraging,  to stop and help others when they fall, to have a deeper understanding of the obstacles and challenges they are facing.  To listen.  I wish more areas of life could be this way-without the winning and losing, consuming and controlling, climbing the ladder and leaving others behind.  This running ritual with the girls has taught me to be more aware of how my actions here at home or in the community might use the gifts of my power to encourage and lift others up or to control and hold them down.  We're all equal (we all have value) no matter how we run, whether or not we cross the finish line and most importantly regardless of what anyone else tells us by their actions, words, or use of power.

I started a big pot of simple chicken and vegetable soup this morning.  It's really simple.  Boil a chicken covered in water for about an hour or so, then lower the heat to a simmer.  About 8-12 hours later you remove the chicken, shred and set aside.  I usually take a quart or two of the stock out in order to put some up in the freezer for another time.  Then I dice up some vegetables-I'm using carrots, onion, butternut squash today.  Allow that to simmer in the stock and then add the shredded chicken back in.  There you have it-delicious, nutritious chicken and vegetable soup.  This big pot is for the Empty Bowls event happening in Bowling Green tomorrow evening.

This is one of my favorite events of the year.  It benefits the work of my friend Rhondell and others at HOTEL INC.  Her work ensures that our hungriest neighbors have good, nutritious food.  She works hard to ensure that the food available in the food pantry she oversees is as fresh and seasonal as possible.  This is no hard task.  Events like Empty Bowls bring people together around good food to bring awareness to the needs of those who are hungry and also those who are working hard to serve them.  I love the fact that the those in attendance first pick out a beautiful bowl that was hand crafted by a local artist.  Love the connection between food and art.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about how farmers and artists are a lot alike.  Those of us who choose farming or art as a full time occupation have in many ways chosen to swim upstream-against the current that society has created.  We pour our lives, bodies, souls into the work that we do and depend on others to make conscious, dedicated decisions to support that work.  Most importantly-I love the idea of creating opportunity for both farmers and artists because in many ways it's a very possible way that the hungriest among us may find their own way to support themselves and provide for their own needs.  This is also no easy task.  Systems must change, our attitudes must change, policies need to be improved, but I do see a movement towards creating a sense of place that allows all of us the right for dignity and grace.  If you've ever made an effort to swim upstream you know exactly what I mean.  So tomorrow-I'll gather with my friends, eat good food, pick out a beautiful hand crafted bowl, help clean tables, hug my friend Rhondell and leave with hope.

With the snow we have experienced quite the week here at Hickory Lane Farm.  With the impending snow coming near we did everything we could to prepare the high tunnels, storage crops, etc.  When the snow started Nathan spent an entire evening and day keeping snow knocked off-just in case.  Last year, one of our friends lost two tunnels due to collapse from heavy snow fall (and it was less than we were expecting this year) so we wanted to be extra cautious.  The rest of the week was filled with hourly visits outdoors to make sure the temporary heat we were using was operational, moving snow, working on equipment, and today-dealing with flooding issues here in the house.  

Carter had gone to visit his grandpa in Hart county right before the snow came and ended up staying an extra week.  Needless to say we were all happy to have him home.  The Rolett's had come to stay the night so that they could help keep an eye on the tunnel and little Avery was so excited to see Carter return home.  There's just something that sets things right when everyone is where they should be-under one roof.

Another memorable moment from this winter storm was when Adaline caught on fire-yes, on fire.  It's a moment I'll never forget and never want to relive.  We were going about the house cleaning up, preparing for Carter to return and cooking up food.  The gas fireplace in the kitchen was going-which is a very normal thing around here-and we all take turns standing in front of it to keep warm.  Adaline who had been wearing one of her sisters dresses must have not realized how long it was and/or leaned back into the fire.  I cannot tell you why I was going into the kitchen (or maybe my instincts just told me to), but what I saw was the most horrific image.  Adaline was on fire.  I could see the flames coming above the countertop and she was running back and forth.  Now I understand the stop, drop, and roll mantra from elementary school.  That was not her instinct that is for sure.  I had to chase her down as she tried to run from the fire only making it larger.  I caught her, brought her to the ground, patted out the fire and went to give her a hug only to find the flames returning just as intensely.  This time I just held her close and choked out the fire with my hands-burning the tips of my fingers.

Thankfully, she only suffered mild to moderate burns and she is recovering very well.  Once again I'm thankful for my friend Jordan's calm personality and the sage advice of my midwife who had us treating her well within minutes.  Being snowed in and unable to get out left me thinking about what would have happened had it been worse.  I've wondered several times today, "Do accidents happen in order to keep our instincts more aware and acute?  To bring us back to what is important and thank God for what we've been given?"  I think so.  On the heels of wondering if I'm getting things right as a mom I'm reminded that I can't control everything, but when up against the fire-I'll do anything and everything to protect my children-every single time.

We keep joking about how our very first year here on the new farm may just be the most memorable.  And now we'll be saying, "Remember the day Adaline caught on fire?" 

I went to bed last night wondering if my work matters-if I'm doing enough.  Questioning pretty much everything.  Am I a good enough mom?  Does being a mom matter?  Is balancing my work between farm life and community engagement meaningful?  Does anyone care or I would just be better off hiding away here on the farm?  I think that those questions and thoughts while overwhelming can actually help me work through my fears.  There are a few things that I feel called to do, but to be honest-I'm always scared first.  

My pride and ego also gets in the way sometimes.  As someone who has overcome the obstacles of being a once low income, female, justice focused advocate I can get bogged down on the way I think things should happen or work out.  In some ways my work has broke through a glass ceiling here and there in this little corner of Kentucky which has left me feeling broken and bruised, tired and alone while I watch others move past me more easily and with a more open level of acceptance.  During this lenten season I'm working on accepting that and knowing I'm not alone.

Food systems were once built by the gathering of folks for barn raisings, thrashing parties, and hog killings with the simple purpose of breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Meals made to be enjoyed among family with leftovers offered to extended family, neighbors and visitors.  When did we think that way of fueling ourselves each day could be replaced by corporations, middle men and more government regulation?  How have we come this far and what realistic ways can we make our way back while being inclusive to everyone.  Smaller, personal, face to face seems to me the best way to make that happen.  Hard work, vulnerability and knowing your neighbor by name-even if they don't look, talk or act like you.  Caring for our own and a few more is the way that communities were once built and I believe that's the way we may return to a more just food system in the future.

In our snowy little town we've seen that sort of face to face, smaller yet meaningful work over the past week.  Word spread about the needs of a few hungry people (real people with names) and folks stepped out and did something significant-they shared their food.

On this first day of lent I'm really focusing on following God rather than strict rules or regimens.  I'm realizing how free I am in some ways while being completely dependent on the approval and suggestions from others in other ways.  For example, I just finished the best 30 days of yoga program.  I am so thankful I found this program and it's been very, very good for me.  On the last day the instructor suggested just "doing your own thing" which made me feel very uncomfortable-in a surprising way.  What I loved about her program is that she was so flexible and suggested "finding what feels good" along the way.  I've decided that now that the program is over I'm going to replay day 30 the "do your own thing" every day during lent.

I'm also going to be more aware of what God is calling me to do or not do.  That said, I may or may not do or not do certain things for the entirety of lent.  One example is that for today I felt God leading me not to post to my personal Facebook page and to spend less time "checking in".  I do not feel God calling me to leave Facebook entirely, but I do realize that I need to take a good, long hard look at how and why I am using it.  There have been other things happening in my life over the last couple of days that demand careful concentration and contemplation rather than quickly sharing or passing them off to others quickly.

We are supposed to hit a record low tonight.  We feel really good about having worked the last few days to prepare and Nathan was able to rest throughout the day so that he is ready for staying up and alternating heat in the tunnels throughout the night.  Not the most efficient system, but it's what we have to work with right now.  Our farm friends from Community Farmers Market who are able to get into town are working hard to clear the parking lot and sidewalks.  It's so rewarding being surrounded by hard working, thoughtful people.  Our friends who own a local restaurant spent the day delivering good food to people without transportation and in need throughout the community.  While not focused on sharing what is happening in my own life I saw and read lots of acts of kindness today.  It seems that the record snow and cold temperatures were just what this community needed.