Need More Acres
  • HOME
  • Contact
  • Resources
  • Farm to School
  • CFM
  • HOTEL INC
  • Farming, Culinary Arts, & Community Organizing for High Schoolers
  • CONSULTING

Finding Common Ground {Where Real Change Happens}

3/14/2012

3 Comments

 
Picture
When we welcome others differences, we realize that we are not as different or extreme as we once thought.  For instance, some of us are passionate about searching for the fullness of hearty, wholesome foods (and can tend to be judgmental of those who do not), but few people have never been so busy that they have not resorted to fast food for dinner.  Photo by Denise Adrade www.deniseadrade.com

There is this passion inside me to reach out and help families who have welcomed a little one into the world find their way to the easiest path.  This path is one where they do not need healing from their birth experiences, feeding their little one comes easily, and they are supported by everyone around them.  On this path, they find that everything else falls into place:  A kitchen full of healthy foods, a community that loves and supports them as they make the best decisions for their own unique family, and peaceful days filled with learning and love.  My own passion doesn’t come from having experienced this myself with my first child, but rather from how far away we were then and how far we’ve come.  And it’s hard work (very hard work) to get this far.  And we still have so far to go.  I’m thankful for the strong women who have been patient, gentle, and kind to me as I’ve figured this world out for myself.  It’s their gentleness that reminds me that we must be gentle to others in order to love them. This is never more true than when a group of people who might differ on some important issues or values find common ground in which to move forward.

Working with community programs that provide assistance, education, and opportunities for families is rewarding and challenging in a way that makes me look deep into my own soul.  Many times I must remind myself that it is about families advocating for themselves rather than me influencing them to do what has worked for me.   Spending so much time and effort researching, attending conferences, and discussing ways to make breastfeeding easier for moms can leave me feeling as if breastfeeding is the ultimate goal when, in reality, simply helping moms find their own strength and power should be my mission.  So how do you support others and encourage them to advocate for themselves while staying true to your own beliefs and contributing your own thoughts and ideas?  Carefully, and with lots of love.

 “When people called to the same passion learn to work together, amazing things start to happen.”

Passionate people are going to be called to something that needs change. They will then be called to either preserve what once was, create something new, or simply sustain. It’s important to recognize the need and place for everyone within a work group, community, or even within our own families.  For example, my husband has devoted his entire career thus far to developing more sustainable agriculture practices that greatly reduce the amount of sprays and irrigation required to produce profitable and in-demand agriculture products.  His work can help farmers increase profits, enable them to farm full time, and potentially help globally with countries experiencing water issues.  I’d call this creating new and improved opportunities.  At the same time I am constantly seeking resources for organic, non-GMO, gluten-free items for our kitchen.  There are differences in our daily focus, but we are committed to supporting one another.  Some of my most respected friends are passionately advocating organic food only for everyone on the planet (preserving) while we know farmers who are simply struggling to stay on their family farm (sustaining).  There’s a place for everyone to move towards a better system.  When people called to the same passion, but with different backgrounds, learn to work together, amazing things start to happen.   

Changing Core Beliefs {Getting Control of Myself}

Every time I’ve had a complete change of mind on an issue, it takes me through a series of emotions:  Confusion, excitement, and anger are often first as I try to figure out the influences that led me to believe so differently in the first place (I could use prejudices and judgmental religion as examples.).  I’ve learned from past mistakes that it is nearly impossible to work well with a diverse group if I am still angry about an issue.  I’ve also learned that if a topic still brings up uncontrollable emotions then it is probably best to leave those topics off the table or remove myself from the conversation.

It’s important for me to add here that I think it‘s very important to be entitled to one’s own feelings on a subject.  Some of the most passionate, opinionated (and even angry) people I know are the ones who challenge and encourage me most often.  I hope that they never change because this world would be less exciting if they did!  But in situations where they are working with others to develop a common ground, I have found that it is best to leave the anger for someplace else.

Forgiving Quickly

When I blame the choices, habits, and systems of others around me then I am limiting my own power to make my own decisions and think freely.  This can be paralyzing and limit a person from working with others to find change that is realistic at this moment in time.   Forgiveness is the most important thing you can do for your own spiritual, mental, and physical health.    When someone else’s actions seem unforgiveable, you will most likely find that they need forgiveness more than anyone.  Common ground is about working with others to find a better way, and if I cannot let things go, then I can become the road block to progress.

Seeking Accountability

In order for anyone to give of their own time, gifts, and abilities, it is going to be to do something that they are passionate about.  I’m no different and I’ve found that the wonderful people in this community are the same.  When you are spending a lot of your time helping others, there will be days where fear and frustration can overwhelm you.  Seeking someone I can trust with all of my feelings and emotions has been so important to me.  It’s important that they are someone you can trust but you know they won’t take anything you say too seriously.  It is also important that they are willing to be honest when you are wrong.  The strong, capable women in my life that have lifted me up and encouraged me over the past couple of years are invaluable to my ability to give of myself to my family and the community.

Letting Go of Offenses

Whoever said “you can’t please everyone” was telling the truth!  I’ve had people tell me they are praying for me because I seem to be losing my religion, while others are concerned that I’m too religious to care about social justice issues effectively.    When you share your personal story with others you must be prepared for others to let you know what they think about it.  I’ve learned to be open to constructive criticism, willing to explain my ideas further, and quite often, let go of offenses as quickly as possible.  This is another area where having wise counsel from women that I respect helps tremendously!


Not About My Agenda

In order to find common ground you must be willing to graciously offer what you have learned from your own life experiences without making it about your own agenda.  I feel very opinionated about certain issues, especially those concerning families. Having a family of my own there are choices that my husband and I have made that we feel are perfectly suited for us.  Because we changed our core beliefs on many of these areas of our life, I went through the emotional challenges of evaluating everything I had been taught about the family.  With this evaluation came a lot of very strong emotional connections to the choices we have made, but it is so important for me to remember that my choices are not perfectly suited for everyone else. Take healthy eating for example:  Because of personal convictions and health issues within our family, we have become motivated to spend a lot of time, money, and energy on eating a diet from real, whole foods.  It’s something I enjoy putting time into, and my husband is supportive of us increasing our monthly grocery bills to do so.  But that doesn’t mean that we absolutely never eat fast food or let the kids have a sweet treat.   At the same time I know some pretty amazing families who eat fast food fairly regularly but are doing very admirable things in other areas with their children that I hope to accomplish with mine one day.   We influence one another through mutual respect and not by selling our point of view or becoming judgmental.

Refusing Common Ground

There are a few areas that I am not willing to negotiate on caused by some personal experiences that have left me with strong opinions.  My family and close friends know where I stand on these issues, but because it wouldn’t be helpful for me to bring these issues to a work group finding common ground, I leave them at home. 

There may be areas of your life that you are unable to negotiate on or look past your own strong, personal convictions.  Give yourself permission to do this.  Most importantly, respect others who are doing the same.  I have seen the most conflict among advocates who feel really strongly about the common goal but have one or two differing views they are not willing to negotiate on.  It’s important that pride not prevent someone from helping make the world a better place.   

Embracing Differences {Love}

I remember being a teenager and hearing people say that you get wiser with age.  I believe that a lot more today than I did back then.  One of the ways that I see myself getting wiser is my ability to embrace the differences of others.  I grew up during the time of “tolerance”.   Let me say that there is nothing wrong with tolerance, in fact, without it this great country we live in would be pretty hectic.  But in teaching my children to love others, I’ve found that when we simply tolerate someone else’s differences we are really judging them and putting our own ideas and choices above theirs.  Loving others helps us to see the beauty inside of them.  It’s been my experience that I’m capable of so much more when I’m loved.  Who can you love today?


The complete article can be read in the April 2012 issue of SOKY Happenings.
3 Comments

100 Thing Challenge {Part 2}

3/1/2012

0 Comments

 
Picture
This concept was written about in David Bruno's book The 100 Thing Challenge, and is catching on across the country.  To sum it up, Bruno writes about the excess in American culture, consumerism, and how Americans have seen more stress in their lives since we started to accumulate more than 100 Things.  If you are an organized person living a simplified life with a lot of self-control you may have no idea why this can be so life changing.  As an unorganized person, I have to admit that putting the hard work into de-cluttering has given my family and me a new life. Less doesn’t mean nothing and because this is about quality of life, it’s important that you let this idea work for you.  

In part one of this article, I discussed ways to live joyfully with less and how to get motivated to start getting rid of the stuff you don’t need.  To read the entire article you can go to 100 Thing Challenge {Part 1}.

When One Is Enough

Here’s a challenge for you that has really helped us get focused.  Look around your home and ask yourself what items you have multiples of, but of those multiples, you really only need one.  Do you really need 25 pens or is the excess making you less resourceful (since you only end up with one anyway)?  How many pairs of scissors, finger nail clippers, screw drivers or scarves do you really need?  (I added scarves as an example of my own obsession!)  The truth is that we often have more than we need because those items are simply cheap, easily accessible and often lost because of our own disorganization.  If this is the only part of the challenge you do I would encourage you to consider asking yourself “when is one enough?”

Holidays & Birthdays

Christmas and other holidays are opportunities to humble ourselves and realize that gift giving is a blessing and brings much joy to the giver and the recipient.  As long as you are celebrating with others who are different from yourself (and I hope you are), you will receive gifts that you wouldn’t have necessarily purchased.  Be patient.  Be gracious.  Be open to others and encourage others to consider your feelings on this issue.

Ideas to Simplify Gift Giving:
  • Reach out to those in your life that have an appreciation for simplifying.  Ask them if you can give the gift of time through a shared meal or experience.
  • Spread the word of the joy of handmade gifts.  If you gently plant the seed that you would like to add more locally, handmade items to your home, others will catch on.
  • Request specific gifts for the kids like books, pajamas, educational items, and relational gifts.  
  • Request a single, family gift that everyone can enjoy together

Stacks of Paper

I knew that paper was a major issue in my home, but I couldn’t figure out what was keeping us completely out of control when it came to stacks of paper.  I decided to pile everything up and then take an inventory at the end of a week.  This is what we had accumulated:

4 catalogs
18 pieces of artwork/handouts/schoolwork
12 pieces of junk mail
8 bills/invitations/letters of importance
6 names/phone numbers/things to remember (written on random pieces of paper)
5 business cards
3 books on loan

If you total all those up, we had 56 items collected in one week.  Multiply that by 52 weeks in a year, and you are talking about 2,912 items living rent free in my home!  Canceling subscriptions, saying no to freebies, and developing a system to handle paper as it comes in have made a huge difference.

The Deal Trap

You know what I’m talking about…the $1 section, the 80% off after-holiday sales, and free shipping (“Today Only”).  As we got serious about the 100 Thing Challenge, these were the first items to go.   We had a garage, drawers, and closets full of things that we had purchased with the intention of putting to good use.  These items pile up, get in the way, and take too much of our time and joy to really be considered “deals”.

Tips for Avoiding the “Deal” Trap:
  • Before you go shopping, write down the items that you really need and stick to only the items on your list.
  • If you are out and find an item that you would like to purchase, simply wait 24 hours and see if you still feel so strongly about it.
  • Don’t be trapped by “the last one,” “sale ends at 2 pm,” or other tactics that increase our adrenaline and impulse buying.
De-Clutter Closets

We were committed to greatly decreasing the amount of clothing we have.  We set a limit of 50 items of clothing, including shoes, for each season.  As spring rolls around, I am realizing how my excitement and enthusiasm of catching good deals combined with the overwhelming feat of shopping for four kids has allowed me to over shop in the past.  This year I’ve taken the extra effort to inventory every item we have so that I am only purchasing items we absolutely need.  Setting a number on each person’s wardrobe and trying to wear items multiple times can decrease your spending and laundry!

Excess Food

This was a problem that I didn’t see clearly until we had tackled the other areas of clutter in our home.  Growing up I experienced times without food.  Experiencing an empty fridge is something that I never want my kids to have to go through, and I have learned that I can be a sort of hoarder in the kitchen.   By simplifying my grocery list and meal planning, I’ve been able to get some control over this, but I’d say that this is still my area of weakness.

Living With Enough

If living with only 100 items per person in your home seems like too difficult of a feat, consider getting rid of 100 items instead.  Forget the 100 and focus on enjoying the items that you own and have a deep desire to keep. Spend time appreciating what you have.  Start a list of all the simple blessings in your life.  Enjoy more time outdoors.  We have found that living with enough has opened up time and opportunities for us to do more of the things for which we have passions.  The point is to get a handle on your stuff so you can stop dwelling on it.


Give Freely

Letting go of buying new things will leave you with more peace and less debt.  Take this opportunity to see how you may bless others with your time and money.  You may find that the money you can save on those monthly magazines or Saturday deal shopping can be put to better use such as:
  • Providing food, shelter, education and safety for a child (www.compassion.com / $38 a month).
  • Empower people from around the world with a $25 loan (www.kiva.com).
  • Partner with us to combat water issues here at home and around the globe (www.needmoreacres.com).
0 Comments

    Michelle Howell   

    Michelle is a wife,
    mother, farmer, writer and speaker passionately helping families overcome obstacles and find their best through healthier habits, better birth experiences and authentic connection within their present community.  She does this by speaking truth and shedding light on ways real people can work together to create change.

    Picture


    Food

    The Green Smoothie

    Five reasons to join a CSA

    Nourishing Farm Food

    Could a few dollars be keeping you from local food?

    The beautiful heirloom tomato

    Motherhood

    Faith in Childbirth

    Faith in Childbirth part2

    Inviting mama's to the table

    Attachment parenting for grown boys

    Farming

    Planting Seeds

    Does local have a future here in KY?

    Six things small-scale Kentucky farmers can do to create positive change

    Community

    Circle of Gifts

    Finding Common Ground {where real change happens}

    Finding Common Ground {revisited through a new perspective}

    When local is hard, but good

    Hope through Food & Community (BG)

    Holding space for community

    Womanhood

    A letter to my daughters

    Women's stuff & politics on a farm

    Find Your Passion

    Thoughts on being human

    Home

    100 Thing Challenge Part1
    100 Thing Challenge Part2

    Marriage

    Fighting the good fight on a family farm

    Making of a farmwife

    Justice

    My wholehearted response to concerns about that mom

    Going above my raising

    Breastfeeding is a social justice issue

    Archives

    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    July 2011
    May 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    August 2010
    January 2010

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.