Truth telling for me is the ability to place consistent healthy boundaries in your life while saying no to opportunities that require you to make any excuse for not speaking your truth.  I've learned this the hard way and slowly over time.  Saying yes to our powerful truth is more difficult than it seems.

For example, MOST people are in jobs, relationships, religious organizations, family settings, social circles, or neighborhoods that keep them from fully expressing their own truth.  They might believe something to be true, but don't want to rock the boat or not go with the flow.  They don't want to become THAT person.

Children are most often truth tellers-until they are taught what's appropriate to say (believe) and what gets you ahead.

Truth telling requires a constant stepping down the "ladder of success" while clinging to your integrity and remaining capable of engaging others with respect even when you disagree.  It's tough stuff, friends.  

Speaking of friends-most truth tellers I know find that their most loyal friends are also truth tellers.

From what I've witnessed and experienced-truth tellers can appear to make enemies fast.  They spark fear and intimidation in those who have lived their entire adult lives avoiding truth.  They threaten the status quo and the comfortable lives we were promised or think we deserve.  They make people think.  In general, we as a culture-we don't really like to think much.

Authentic, meaningful truth telling is almost always-ALWAYS-about the common good, the marginalized, the hurting, those suffering and all the hard stuff of this world.  

Anything else is simply a version of a truth that benefits only one person or group of people.  Shedding light on THAT TRUTH is both painful to self and offensive to others.  Most people (myself included) just can't always gather the strength to persevere.  Sometimes it's just easier not to think.

The great truth tellers feel more like heroes to the masses once they are no longer a threat.  Francis of Assisi, Anne Hutchinson, and Martin Luther King Jr. come to mind.  While they were alive and present and speaking their strong truths they were just "too much" for most people to handle at the time.  Today, I think of Micky Scottbey Jones, Brené Brown, and Richard Rohr who are working out their truth while beautifully facing the suffering that comes with it.  I can think of people closer to home too, but I know their suffering first hand-so I won't.

Truth tellers are completely different than traitors although the two seem to get confused.  Telling a truth for the sole purpose of personal gain or to recklessly hurt someone else doesn't really line itself up with truth telling to me.  

Truth telling is not what slips off the end of your tongue or out the end of your fingertips.  The truth tellers I know agonize over their truth.  It rolls around in their heads and hearts until they can't contain it anymore.  They carefully run it through people with dignity first.  They wait until the truth becomes something worth mentioning.  They wait until the truth becomes a risk worth taking.

Truth tellers must make decisions with extra thought and care in order to ensure that they protect their ability to continue sharing the truth.  This can mean that they are unable to keep their job or are forced to set boundaries that are hard.  This gives truth tellers the ability to share their stories openly with the world and with fervor.  They are the listeners, the engagers, the peacemakers that help connect the dots and make authentic connection possible for those looking for it.

These truth tellers often suffer alone because they alone were called to carry the burden of their truth.  Other times they are surrounded by other truth tellers who provide support and encouragement.  The people around them rarely notice the difference.

Truth telling means all the more to a mother and farmer like me.  The rights of womanhood, infants, farmers, makers, and struggling communities have become hard to come by-because in the simplicity of who they are-they do not produce what we as society have come to respect and expect.  

Silence from a mother and farmer like myself often feels much more respected and expected.

Simply having the privilege of stating this truth-right here, right now-is a reflection of a constant giving away of opportunity in my life.  The saying no to "good" things that could have stolen my truth.  Thankfully-even better opportunity that serves more people is always around the bend.

I'm forever thankful for the truth tellers in my life.  They help me find my truth.  They give me the strength to share it.  

One of the most important things I've done as a mother is to ask my children this question.  

"Is there anything mama is doing right now that hurts you?"  

I'm not sure where I even got the idea, but I am certain that it has forever strengthened my relationship with them and others.  It actually goes against anything I experienced as a child with the adults in my life and produces results that are both challenging and life changing.  

It's become a key to the hearts of my kids-particularly to the areas that I have hurt, but still have time to make changes that will heal, nurture, protect.

It has taught me to accept criticism for the areas of my life that could improve.  "Lilah, is there anything that mama is doing right now that hurts you?"  Lilah, "You sometimes hurt my feelings when you are on the computer and do not answer my questions."  Ouch.  It's true.  By listening to her feelings I'm able to dig deep into my own feelings about things that I already know are a problem, but haven't had the motivation to change.  We're also able to work on positive solutions such as, "Mama has to get work done and my work is often on the computer.  What if you play with Adaline while I finish up here and then you and I can spend some quality time together later?"

My own selfishness has risen up time and time again.  For example, my kids love to make me things.  For years I wasn't very welcoming of the large volume of arts, crafts, and treasures that they would provide for me.  One time when I was asking Elizabeth the question she answered, "I worked really hard on making you a flower corsage and I had hoped you would wear it."  Ugh.  She was right and I knew it.  How hard would it be for me to simply accept her gift and see the sacrifice of time and loads of love that she put into it.  Why couldn't I love that gift just like I love her-because through her creation it is her.

It's helped me grow as a mother at the same pace that my children of different ages are growing.  For example, "Carter (age 4) is there anything mama is doing right now that hurts you?"  Carter, "You tell me that you will hold me during nap time, but most of the times you don't."  Years later the same question gets a very different answer from Carter (age 11).  "I don't always want you to touch or hug me in public.  I'd like us to set aside a special time each night where you hug or hold me, but only when I feel like it."  Asking the question helps me to know how my growing children have very different needs than the little ones.

In fact, my littlest little always answers the question with, "Mama-I love you.  You are perfect".  One day though.  One day she'll start to answer that questions with real hurts and I want to be prepared for that.

It offers me the opportunity to explain my decisions and behavior rather than leaving them feeling alone or neglected.  For example, during busy seasons of life when I am just not as tentative and available I've learned to use this as a tool to open up communication so that they understand what I can change and what I cannot.   I have deep seeded memories of feeling alone as a child-when the reality is that the adults in my life were most likely just busy with something that was very important.  Had I known the truth I would have been able to form a much better self image and healthier internal messages.  I may have even been able to be involved in a positive solution.

Asking my children to verbally express how they are seeing, feeling, and experiencing the world helps me get to know them better and most importantly teaches them to express their feelings while listening to others.  Because of this habit I believe my kids are much more open to me when I suggest habits or behaviors that they could improve.  It's not magic, but the question has been something that I cling to in order to love my family better.

Practically speaking-I don't think too much about when and where I'll ask the question.  I just wait until the time is right-when I sense that there is this pushing or pulling happening between me and them.  I don't act too serious or "mom" like.  That said, my best advice is to always, always have your heart ready for the answer.  It's hard to hear that you might have done something to hurt someone else (especially your children), but living life and never having the opportunity to change it or do something about it would be unbearable.  It's not about being the perfect mom-it's about being open to my imperfections and being willing to change the ones that hurt the most.

We are so excited to be announcing a partnership with Nicole Mattingly, owner of Double N Apothecary.  Together we will be offering our farm members a full line of apothecary products including:  teas, tinctures, salves, oils, cleansers and more.  We've enjoyed using all natural, locally produced products for years and we are excited about this opportunity to share it with you. Nicole's business is "small batch" and she uses the finest ingredients.  We will be sourcing as many of the products for Nicole's products as possible.  You can learn more about Double N Apothecary HERE.

I loved my time volunteering at The Foundry.  It was about five years ago and our family had become involved in several areas of ministry and community engagement in the West Side of Bowling Green.  It was a privileged time in my life that offered me the ability to pack up snacks once a week and head to The Foundry to help care for gardens that we had planted alongside volunteers from Broadway United Methodist Church and Community Farmers Market.  The relationships that we built forever changed the way I look at the food system barriers here in South Central, Kentucky.  It was the inspiration and motivation to ensure that my work is always split between growing and marketing good food as well as creating better food access.  It was where I started finding my voice by listening to others.

It was a peaceful time, but also a very difficult time of transition.  I had become a stay at home mom a few years before and quickly learned to scratch the "stay" and replace it with "work".  For the previous years I had taken several part-time jobs.  The WIC program helped us make ends meet just like it does for many of the people who live in the West Side of Bowling Green.  I can still remember being very pregnant with Adaline and wearing Lilah on my back while doing wedding flowers for long days.  We were thankful for the opportunities, but it was a hard, hard time.  There's something to be said for the working many people do in order to outrun the shame of financial insecurity.  It effects every area of your life.

This time in my life was a powerful teacher as I considered the many obstacles and barriers to healthy food-for my family and for others.  It prepared me for what work on the farm would be like and helped connect me to the many people in our community who have to work like that just to survive.  It reminded me of where I came from and encouraged me to never forget.  

As the kids got older I realized that my work needed to be more intertwined into their everyday life if we were to continue homeschooling.  Nathan's income from heirloom tomatoes and watermelon were helping us find better footing financially.  The kids and I started a mixed garden in hopes of starting a CSA the following year.  The older kids and I would set up at CFM every Saturday with whatever we could piece together-herbs, crayon cars, soaps.  We have been blessed beyond measure to be able to follow our calling and put the hard work into something we are passionate about-together as a family.

This coming together with fellow farmers + makers at Community Farmers Market and being engaged at The Foundry created memories I will always be thankful for.  I love these people offering what they have when they have it to the people right there in front of them.  When everyone is doing their part and allowing others to do theirs-beautiful things happen.  That has been my experience time and time again.  The work and coming together isn't about yourself, but about the possibility that is being created.  The people who have given so much of themselves-either on our farm, at CFM, The Foundry, or one of the many other community organizations and agencies remind me that all of these seemingly small efforts add up to something very significant. 

The tomato-a fruit (or vegetable if you prefer) becomes something we celebrate.  This gives me hope that all fresh fruits and vegetables being grown here in Kentucky will continue to be celebrated.  Fresh food makes strong and healthy communities.  Supporting local farmers makes strong and healthy communities.  We owe it to ourselves to put the work into making it so.  

Another year.  Another Heirloom TomatoFest.  We are honored to be welcomed back to The Foundry this year just as we were last year.  There's something special about this place, this season.  It very much feels like bringing the celebration of the Heirloom Tomato back HOME. It's a reminder of how blessed we've been by each of you and how thankful we are for those who support our farm, Community Farmers Market and the many partners who are working hard to make local food available to everyone.  I believe that this is just the beginning.

Join us Thursday August 20th at The Foundry.  5-7 pm.  531 West 11th Avenue Bowling Green, Kentucky 42101.

How is it that we've taken every moment of the human experience that involves hormonal changes and saturated it with humiliation, fear, disconnection?  Birth, menopause, death, and especially adolescence. 

ad·o·les·cence
the period following the onset of puberty during which a young person develops from a child into an adult.

To know what is happening to our bodies is to give power to our lives.  I've seen this over and over again as women empower themselves with the knowledge they need in order to have a better birth experience, breastfeed and bond well with baby.  I’ve also heard of women going through menopause who do so with grace because of the knowledge that allowed them to move through it with patience and wisdom.  I witnessed this with the natural leaving of the body my dad experienced with in home hospice care.  My hope is to apply this same consciousness of humanity to the lives of my children as they approach, experience, and move into the other side of puberty. 

How cruel it really is-if we are to take some time to stop and think-that we take everything about the process of puberty and turn it into a joke.  I believe that many of us are still walking around with a cloud of shame that was placed on us during these sensitive, hormone infused years.  Were it not for the negative stereotypes placed on teens as well as the over sexualization of our society I believe that both parents and teens would approach the experience very differently.  

I am dedicated to approaching these pre-teen and teen years with the same level of consciousness, clarity and concern as I did when my children were moving through their newborn, toddler and little kid experiences.  Because it is after all THEIR only opportunity to experience each one.  When I focus too much on the fact that it’s MY only time to experience it with them I lose my ability to mother while modeling compassion.  For me, that has meant that the same level of effort that goes into bonding with a newborn must be put into the gradual and intentional detachment from my older kids.

Just as I have slowly learned to more selflessly embrace the separateness that Nathan and I often experience as we get the work finished here on the farm I must also embrace-with respect-the distancing that occurs as my children are physically becoming adults.  During the busiest seasons I've learned to savor the look, the kiss, the early morning or late night conversation so that I’m able to overcome the silence or distance in a way that serves Nathan.  The same respect serves me well as I apply it to the savoring of a brief hug, a good laugh, and the fewer “I love you’s” that come from these growing kids of mine.

I'm still working through how this is practiced throughout my day.  I can welcome the space that Carter needs with love.  I can be there for long talks about feelings, emotions, and self-control when Elizabeth needs it.  I can create even more space within my day so that when the moment comes up I'm ready.  More than anything I'm learning that I can trust my instincts through this just as I can in any other part of my womanhood.

Each and every day these beautiful children are moving outside of my circle.  My circle of physical care, personal attention, and influence.  As this circle-my nest-becomes too small for them their very own circle begins to expand.  When I allow that process to happen as naturally as possible they gain the courage to build something for themselves.   In that space they begin to learn more about who they are and understand the world for themselves. They are creating their own private and sacred spaces that are expanding and growing wildly so that they can one day welcome someone else into it. 

I can choose to have a healthy perspective on this new experience.  With thankfulness I can acknowledge how blessed I am that my children are healthy and given the experience of tomorrow.  I can accept that as they grow they are offering me new spaces that are just for myself.  In doing so I believe that I am developing the maturity and wisdom that I'm hopeful my kids will welcome into their life as they become adults.